So Alone
by OneandOnly24
Summary: Ayumi's found her way out.


**WARNING: MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH, FEELS OVERDRIVE, MENTIONS OF SUICIDE**

**A Note From The Author**

**Yep. This is gonna be a thing. Promise me you won't cry too much. But, I thought of this when I woke up this morning. I also joined a Corpse Party family on Instagram and they gave me so much inspiration. Thank you Ran, Naomi, Mitsuki, Fukuroi, and the rest of you!**

**But in all seriousness, I'm really upset and scared. My really good friend had started cutting and in a fit of tears, I told my mom. I don't want her to die. My Yoshiki (I mentioned him in Unconditionally, check it out!) hasn't talked to me in so long and I need him. We did the Sachiko Charm (we literally did the charm at church xD) and we're supposed to be together forever. I'm just a mess these days. My friends are always arguing or fighting over something and I just wish I could disappear sometimes. Anyway, enough of my pity parade. So behold the product of three hours of sleep and four hours of tears. **

**I don't own Corpse Party. TeamGrisGris and GrindHouse do. **

**I don't own the song. Anna Blue does.**

'_My face against the window pane_

_A tear for every drop of rain_

_I am so lonely and so sad_

_You're the reason that I'm feeling bad_

_I am so lonely and so sad_

_Living in a dream I've never had'_

Ayumi sat, staring at her bedroom wall with tears in her eyes.

It wasn't fair.

No one remembered them besides the five who survived.

No one would recall how Suzumoto made everyone smile, how Morishige would light up when he was on stage, how Seiko laughed at her own perverse jokes, or how caring Ms. Yui had been.

At first, the blunette had brushed everything off as a horrible dream.

She'd expected to see Morishige moping the next day about Mayu moving, Seiko "accidentally" grabbing Naomi's breasts, Ms. Yui teaching the class.

But reality was cruel. At least to her.

'_My face against the window pane_

_A tear for every drop of rain_

_I'm living like already I have died_

_Have died_

_Emptiness a present past_

_A silent scream to shatter glass_

_I have to go; it's time for me to fly'_

It was a few weeks after the incident and her brain was still fuzzy and upset.

She couldn't focus on school anymore and that had been the only thing keeping her from the deadly thoughts she was having.

One day, a week after her sister had died on her behalf, she found it particularly hard to keep living.

She wanted this.

She wanted to die.

Ayumi didn't see a future for herself anymore.

She just couldn't.

At first it was the matter of finding what she would use.

She had asked Kishinuma for some rope, telling him she needed it for a project.

Her mom had left for the week on a business trip.

She had done it.

She had found her way out of it all.

Her highway to happiness.

'_I am so lonely and so sad_

_You're the reason that I'm feeling bad_

_I am so lonely and so sad_

_Living in a dream I've never had_

_(Wake me with your kiss)_

_Who will care if I'm not here?_

_If suddenly I disappeared?_

_No one's gonna notice it at all'_

Yoshiki was the first to find out.

Since Ayumi had been absent from school for a few days, he decided he'd pick up her homework and drop it off.

"Shinozaki?" He knocked lightly, the door swinging open a bit.

"Shinozaki? I'm coming in, alright?" He took off his shoes and ventured farther in her house.

Yoshiki didn't have too much trouble finding her room.

It was decorated with different anime and chibi characters, her name in the middle of it all.

"Shinozaki? Are you in here?" He turned the knob and slowly opened the door with his free hand.

What he saw made the papers in his arms fly around and his stomach lurch.

"No…god damn it Shinozaki!" He rushed over to her lifeless body, suspended from the ceiling.

He shouldn't have been so blind.

Ayumi asked _him _for the rope.

He untied it from around her now bruised neck and laid her on the bed, trying CPR.

He didn't know how long she had been gone.

"GOD DAMN IT!" Yoshiki screamed, kicking the desk chair, causing a letter to flit to the ground.

'_**I'm sorry.**_

_**It's all my fault.**_

_**None of you would've understood anyway.**_

_**Hinoe's gone. **_

_**Morishige, Mayu, Seiko, and Ms. Yui are gone.**_

_**And so am I.**_

_**Mom- Don't come to my funeral, if you even have one. You never did care about me. All you did was shove me in doctor's offices, leave me in institutions, and make me take loads of pills that would've never worked anyway.**_

_**Naomi- You've won the battle. You can have him. I should've known it would never work. I hope you're happy.**_

_**Satoshi- You never really did care, did you? All you want, all you've ever wanted, was to screw Naomi, right? Have fun with that bitch.**_

_**Yuka- I don't know if your idiot of a brother will let you go, but I want you at my funeral. You're the only one who understands what I've gone through.**_

_**Yoshiki- I honestly don't know what to put here. For starters, I'll tell you a secret. Since we've returned from that school, I've come to see you in a new light. You were always the delinquent in my eyes, but now…I know that you would've protected me nonetheless. And I love you. I wish I could've told you that in person, but this is my decision. My way out. What I wouldn't do to kiss you before I go. Anyway…I want you to come to my funeral. You're the only one I really want there. And don't forget. I'll always be watching over you. I'm happier now, Yoshiki. Isn't this the way you would've wanted it? For me to be happy?**_

_**I'm going to be with my friends now. **_

_**Goodbye…'**_

Upon reading the last paragraph, his tears stained the page.

"You wanted to kiss me? You wanted to be happy?" Yoshiki voice cracked.

He hovered above Ayumi's body, swooping down.

"I love you too…I always have Ayumi…" He kissed her cold lips, wishing his hardest for this to be like one of his sister's stupid fairytales.

But sadly, it wasn't.

'_Dying flowers in my hand_

_I'm vanishing from where I stand_

_It isn't yet too late to get the cure_

_I am so lonely and so sad_

_You're the reason that I'm feeling bad_

_I am so lonely and so sad_

_Living in a dream I've never had'_

The next day at school, he shoved the letter in front of Naomi and Satoshi.

When they read it, they both denied it, saying it was another one of her pranks, she was just returning to her old self.

But the blonde sadly shook his head, feeling tears come in his eyes.

"She's gone…" He whispered slowly.

He showed the note to the teacher, who kindly said he could go home if he wanted, seeing as he was mourning.

A few students who had found out said their condolences to him, but he didn't care.

The world was moving in a blur.

He stayed home for the next three weeks, trying to stop blaming himself.

So, he followed his crush's instructions.

He used all the money he had saved up for rent for the next couple of months, bought a nice suit, and started planning Ayumi's funeral.

'_So lonely and so sad_

_You're the reason that I'm feeling bad_

_I am so lonely and so sad_

_Living in a dream I've never had_

_I am so lonely and so sad_

_You're the reason that I'm feeling bad_

_I am so lonely and so sad_

_Living in a dream I've never had_

_So lonely and so sad_

_You're the reason that I'm feeling bad_

_I am so lonely and so sad_

_Living in a dream I've never had_

_(Wake me with your kiss)'_

Her funeral happened during the weekend of the fifth week he had stayed home.

There were red and white roses everywhere, a corkboard with pictures of her plastered on it, and her coffin laid in the center of it all.

Naomi, Satoshi, Yuka, and a select few students that were also her friends' came along with Ayumi's mom.

They all sniffled as they listened to the priest give out verses from the bible and say that she was up in heaven, soaring with angels.

The crowd really lost it though, when Yoshiki brought out his guitar and started playing a song he had written about her a while back. When he finished, he told everyone how much he loved her and he wished he could've saved her.

Naomi stood and recounted the precious memories they had had together, whether it was shopping, at school, or just hanging out.

Satoshi tearfully spoke, with Yuka crying buckets at his side, about how she was a beloved member of their circle of friends and would never be forgotten.

The four friends stayed back after everyone had gone, to say goodbye to their class rep one last time.

Her white casket lay open, displaying her body.

She looked almost peaceful in her white dress, her hair tied up in the usual twin tails.

"Ayumi…this is all my fault." Yoshiki crouched beside the coffin, carefully stroking her pale face.

"I should've known better…should've asked you 'what project'. I should've told you how I felt. I should've…to be honest, I should've done a lot of things. If you were here, you'd probably hit the back of my head for saying stupid things." He chuckled a bit. "But…you're not here and I take full responsibility for your death. I'm so sorry…I love you Ayumi. Please, wherever you are, be safe. Just smile, okay?" He straightened up and turned to walk away when he felt cold air on his back.

"_I love you too Kishinuma-Kun…" _A voice whispered in his ear. _"I'll always be here…watching over you…" _

**Well, that was really hard to write. I stopped halfway through and gave up…but I came back and finished it, while listening to this song a million times. I kind of came back to it because a really good friend of mine almost committed suicide last night and…if your thinking of committing suicide please don't. You have so much to live for. At least, that's how I see it nowadays. Also, there will be a sequel to this story. I'm currently brainstorming and writing things up for it, so it'll probably be up soon, if not by next week.**


End file.
